Why Boundaries Feel So Hard (Especially for Good Listeners)

If you’re someone who’s used to being the one others turn to, you probably hear this a lot:

“You’re such a good listener.”

“You always know what to say.”

“You’re just so easy to talk to.”

And maybe that’s true.

Maybe you’ve learned to hold space really well- for other people’s emotions, needs, chaos, and pain.

But heres the thing:

Being a good listener doesn’t always mean you’ve been heard.

Being the supportive one doesn’t mean your own needs have ever felt safe to share.

And when you’re used to putting others first- often without even thinking about it, setting boundaries can feel confusing, uncomfortable, or even threatening.

Why is it so hard to set boundaries?

Because for many of us, boundaries have never been about preference-they’ve been about survival.

You may have learned early on that keeping the peace was how you stayed safe.

That being needed meant being loved.

That giving more meant losing less.

So when you try to set a boundary now- saying no, taking space, expressing discomfort- it might feel:

• Like you’re letting someone down

• Like you’re being selfish or dramatic

• Like you're risking conflict, or worse: rejection

Your nervous system doesn’t see this as a simple request.

It sees it as a threat.

What if boundaries weren’t walls, but bridges?

Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away.

They’re about getting closer without losing yourself.

They create the space where connection can actually breathe- where resentment doesn't quietly build, where your yes actually means yes, and your no is honoured too.

And yes, that takes practice.

It takes noticing the tension in your chest when someone asks for more than you can give.

It takes learning the difference between guilt and growth.

It takes real support- especially if you're not used to putting yourself first.

Therapy can help with that.

Together, we can explore where your boundary patterns began, what gets in the way now, and how you might begin to honour your limits without shame.

Not overnight. Not perfectly.

But with curiosity, compassion, and care.

You don’t have to keep stretching yourself thin to feel worthy.

There’s another way.

Let’s find that together.